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Eq 1: C=1,000,000 * 1,000,000,000
Let C equal a million billion for readability

Eq 2: C * (A + 500,000 L) \le L
Allowing Lenovo to ship 500,000 units to other users, and letting everone elses’ Lenovo to be equivalent to mine, which of course isn't true, but its a useful approximate for a lower bound.¬† And of course lets drop the term for all other non-Lenovo laptops in the world since (a) that makes the math harder, and (b) it's less hilarious.

Eq 3: A = L (1/(1,000,000 * 1,000,000,000) - 500,000)
How much my Asus U50F sucks, its value related to my Lenovo and all other Lenovos in the world.

Eq 4: A - L ( \approx 0 - 500,000) = 0
Allow 1/"a million billionĒ to be approximately zero.

Eq 5: X > (C+R)*E|O|
Allow X to be the minimum value that Strength(Beracah) takes on.  R the number of socially responsible Lenovo owners, and C the number of Lenovo owners who mistakenly think they are throwing my new awesome laptop into the black hole to protect their own.  E|O| is the expected strength of  Lenovo owners. 

How much my old Asus laptop sucks

I wrote my brother an email about how much my old Asus laptop sucked and how much better my new laptop is…

This new Lenovo that I took forever configuring and deciding on is a million billion times better than my old laptop and everyone elses’ in the world combined, including those people with Lenovos…

Now, just to elucidate how preposterous this statement was, I decided to work out the math.   Yay word problems!
Let A = Asus and L = Lenovo, and 500,000 to be the number of units Lenovo has sold.  Then equations (Eq 1) (Eq 2) apply.
(Eq 3) is how much my old laptop sucks.  It is negatively valued, primarily dominated by the number of units that Lenovo has sold.
Putting it a different way¬† (Eq 4), one single unit of my old Asus can neutralize almost the entire volume of Lenovo sales, not including my own laptop.¬† Because it’s that awesome.
And that’s how ridiculous what I wrote was.
My old Asus is a black hole that is so bad that its effect upon the world can only be filled by all of Lenovo sales.¬† Only my laptop can sit outside the event horizon.¬† But then, that’s the thing about math, even if I give my laptop a different variable, and an expression to relate it to other Lenovos, some C number of Lenovo owners will decide to throw my super awesome laptop into the Asus black hole to spare their work machines.¬† That means that I’ll have to be X times stronger than C Lenovo owners plus R additional “communist/socially-minded” Lenovo owners who believe the needs of the slightly more outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. (Spock, Kirk[1] [1]
Fortunately:

  1. I am.  (Eq 5)
  2. Lenovo owners are business people and so R is likely to diminish to zero.